Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Taking care of me

I have a friend who checks in on me regularly and one of the questions she always asks is how I am taking care of myself. Honestly, I'm not the best at taking care of me. I power through things by working, which is why I seem to accomplish things so quickly. I've been known to work  in the middle of the night when I can't get back to sleep (in fact, just this week). When I find something that is simply too upsetting or overwhelming to deal with, I work. Down time has never been a good thing for me. Today, I am sitting at the cancer center while my wife has her second round of chemo. My mother-in-law is here and has spent much of the day with my wife, which has left me with very little to do. Guess what; the down time is driving me nuts. And, I left work yesterday caught up on the things that I can do without connecting with others. So, I'm trying to decide how best to take care of myself. I have a book to read, but reading doesn't appeal to me at the moment. It is a lovely day outside, and I've been on several short walks, but I don't want to be away for too long in case my wife needs me. In the grand scheme, today is a short day and I should be able to just chill. But, that isn't likely to happen. Beyond today, though, I need to figure out how I am going to take care of myself in the coming two weeks, when things are likely to spiral out of control for my wife. The next two weeks is when she will be her sickest and I will be her caretaker (she is coming around to that word now), and these are the moments that I need to care for me, too. The struggle to figure out what that looks like is real, and I'm certainly open to suggestions. The one thing I know is that I have to figure it out - soon; I think I just figured out what I need to work on today.

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