Saturday, March 26, 2016

The more things change, the more they stay the same

Let me start by saying that I hate cliches, yet I titled this post as a cliche. It is true that the more things change the more they stay the same, because we try to make sense of the world by drawing on our schema or prior experiences. New things feel familiar... until they don't. It is when they do not feel familiar that we have to begin making new sense of them. It feels a bit like I'm talking in circles here.

I recently finished an internship and had to say goodbye to a group of elementary aged children about whom I truly care. It was difficult to say goodbye. I remember feeling this way when I left the schools where I completed my student teaching. I also remember feeling this way when I left my brick & mortar school to begin working in the world of virtual education. Every time that I have closed a chapter, I have felt a wave of sadness. Interestingly, each time that I have closed a chapter, there has been major changes in my life. My first partner died 12 days before I began my first Master's program. My wife was moving 13 hours away when I began my virtual teaching, and my wife was diagnosed with cancer while I have been finishing my 2nd Master's degree. Things always happen to me in waves. I think that I feel so intensely because things happen so intensely around me. To be honest, it is this intensity and the fact that I have a truly gentle soul, despite my crusty exterior.

I began spring break today, and I have an entire week for just me. I'm not sure what to do with that week. I considered a cruise or last minute vacation, but I have so much to discover where I live that I may play tourist in my town. What I do know is that I need to take some time and just feel - because feeling is important and because to not allow myself to feel is dangerous. And, I'm already vulnerable. 

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